Expensive E. Jean: My boyfriend is a freeloader, a moocher, and a lazy bum who’s depleting my groceries, my toiletries (my $30 shampoo!), and my persistence. He clings to me 24-7. If I say, “Let’s take a while away from one another,” he refuses. The longest he is gone with out seeing me—I ship him to his dad and mom’ home—is someday. Then he is again in my condominium. He is a bodily coach however has no work, by no means pays for something, smokes weed all day, and is on unemployment, and, on prime of every part, I choose up the checks after we exit, and he borrows cash from me. I am so sick of it. He is 30! I do know he loves me unconditionally, however I am unable to help a grown man endlessly. Please assist me break up with him kindly, with out creating resentment and anger. —Feeling Responsible however About to Explode!

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Lady, Please: A 30-year-old blood-sucker is wound round your torso, ramming its proboscis into anywhere it could actually discover a bank card, and you are feeling responsible? Eliminate him! There isn’t any method to detach a leech with out inflicting ache, and, as you already know, you will need to by no means take away a leech with salt, matches, or pulling.

Easy methods to Take away a Leech:

1. Placed on a fairly frock and say: “Let’s exit to dinner!”

2. Name a taxi. Select a restaurant well-known for its Napa Valley delicacies. Order the $65 tasting menu.

three. After dessert, when the test arrives, inform the leech, er, your boyfriend that you simply want him a protracted and blissful life, but when he cannot pay for dinner—simply this as soon as—it is over. He’ll work his anterior (oral) sucker at prime pace, jabbering excuses.

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four. On the best way house within the taxi, he’ll declare he loves you “unconditionally.” By no means thoughts. Simply flick him off at his dad and mom’ home. (He’ll be shocked to see bins of his bongs and belongings stacked within the yard. There isn’t any want to clarify that you simply organized for buddies to pack his issues whilst you have been on the restaurant. Simply say, “Leech, the one factor you like unconditionally is my checking account.”)

5. Ask the taxi driver to honk the horn as you drive away. It is your first second of scrumptious, superb freedom! (The wound will itch because it heals, so don’t let the leech reattach itself.)

This letter is from the Ask E. Jean Archive, 1993-2017. Ship inquiries to E. Jean at [email protected].